Speaker 1 (00:20):
PMDD shaped my life for 17 years before I could name it, I spent those years searching for answers, questioning my sanity, and desperately seeking treatments that actually worked. My painful journey had an unexpected twist. Helping others heal from PMDD became my life's purpose. Hi, I'm Jess, a board certified nutritional therapist coach, the founder of her mood mentor and your host. This is PMDD PEP Talk, A weekly reminder that your suffering is real, your experience is valid, and your future is brighter than your symptoms suggest. Each week we're going to explore the truths about PMDD that nobody talks about, the kind of truths that shift something deep inside you and make you think maybe there's more possible than I imagined. Whether you're in the depths of luteal darkness or riding the clarity of your follicular phase, you're exactly where you need to be because here's what I know for sure. Healing PMDD isn't just about managing symptoms, it's about transforming your life. This challenge, as brutal as it can be, is an invitation to know yourself more deeply and live a more joyful purpose filled life. PMDD might feel like your whole story, but it's just a chapter and you get to write what comes next. Welcome to PMDD, PEP Talk, quick pep talk, pause. Remember that everything we talk about here is meant to educate and inspire. Always team up with your healthcare provider for personal medical advice. All right, now let's get into it.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Hello, this is Jess with her mood mentor, and today I'm meeting with one of our one-to-one clients and PMDD rehab students. Emma Emma's here to share her story and we're so excited to have you, Emma. Thanks for being here.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
So glad to be here.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Yay. So we're just going to get into it. I'm curious if you would mind sharing a little bit about your PMDD background, how you came to the diagnosis, what you were experiencing, really, any details you want to share around the condition and how it affected you.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Sure. So having the benefit of hindsight, I've definitely experienced at least some level of PMDD from a pretty young age, I think as playing as a teenager. And I do remember Googling symptoms and things and being like, this is awful. Just huge mood swings, feeling especially depression was a huge one, but I really noticed it kind of happening right before my period, and then as soon as I got it, it was like, oh, it feels like a different person. And feeling like it wasn't normal. And I first saw the term PMDD doing that, but I never really took it to a doctor or anything and never really got it confirmed. So it was in the back of my head, but I think I kind of pushed it, dismissed it, and then moving forward as I was entering college and going through all that, I was always there and just entering new phases of life and new challenges and would definitely bring up more and more of those, A lot of psychological symptoms with mood swings, irritability, just depression.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
And it kind of took getting to a really bad place and going to a doctor and just being like, I think I'm depressed. I think I need medication or something. And I just didn't know what to do. So I did initially my PCP gave me a prescription for Zoloft, which is one of the first line treatments for PMDD, although she was just treating it as depression. And I got a little bit of relief from that. I continued to just kind of have stronger, more consistent psychological symptoms though. So I ended up seeing a psychiatric nurse practitioner and that ended up going more of a direction of, it's kind of a cycle. It almost like highs and lows. It almost looks like bipolar, but you're not full mania or anything like that. So it's kind of like a emia. But then I kind of pushed, I was like, it really seems to have a pattern with my period.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
And she was like, okay. And she wasn't as obsessed with naming it a specific thing, but she's like, let's really work with that. Try to write down your symptoms, keep a mood journal. And so we kind kept the route. I was interested at the time I needed, I was kind of desperate, so I was like, let's try a medication route. And so I ended up kind of some concoction mixes of psychiatric medications, just kind of going that angle, which had varying levels of relief and then the rabbit trail of side effects and I'm really thankful for it. Ultimately, I did get on a mix of medications that helped me. I was able to start nursing school and go back to that and it helped for a time, but I didn't want to stay on that. So that's kind of how I ended up here.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
So that was how I ended up here. And in terms of just overall PMDD affecting my life, having all those mood symptoms really affected ability to just have a, I do more than the basics. I, for the most part was able to keep a job and do things until it got really bad, but unreliable with being able to hang out with friends, I'd have to cancel last minute and just be overwhelmed sometimes. Have that feeling of overwhelmed has just always been the word. I don't know what it is, but it was like I can't go out. I don't know, there's just a swirling, whirling, icky feelings inside that would just be really hard to kind of name and it would be really confusing. And so that definitely made it really hard to just do things, go out, maintain relationships. And so that's definitely something I've thankfully been able to see a lot of improvement in.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Yes, yes. I'm so excited to get into that because you have so many wins coming through the program and the process. These symptoms were there for a long time. They were impacting your quality of life for a long time. There was kind of a mystery journey of figuring out what is happening, trying a variety of different first line treatments from the SSRI, birth control forms, psychiatric medications in the mix. You found some relief on those, which is fantastic. And ultimately you wanted a longer term strategy and didn't want to be on those medications. So that I'm hearing that's what motivated you to take a more integrative approach specifically. Am I hearing that right?
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Okay. I'm curious to hear, this was a new angle. You work in the medical field, you're locked in, it's fantastic. You have so much knowledge under your belt, especially now that you've been back in school. What were some of your fears joining a program and integrative menstrual health program like this?
Speaker 2 (07:50):
So obviously when I was on medications, I've always had some level of being health conscious, trying to exercise, trying to eat at a reasonable diet from a pretty young age. So a lot of those habits were kind of built in, but always room for improvement. And I think again, just knowing long-term side effects of drugs or just unknown of what it would look like, I will on birth control for about a year. And I knew that I wouldn't be able to stay on this if I want to have kids, which I would like to in the future. And so what's it going to be like if I go off it will I have horrible symptoms? And just really, really wanting to not be masking symptoms but kind of treat that underlying. I really believed it was like, I think there's a way, I think it's possible.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
I've seen people, I've heard stories, and I think my fear going in was probably just that I did have some of that mindset of I've tried everything I looked up to and I tried supplements and just kind of random things without really a clear direction and guide or someone who kind of knows what they're doing with all that until I met you. And so I think that I kind of was just afraid it's not going to work or I dunno, maybe it would be really extreme and too hard. Are you going to make me quit gluten and dairy? I can't do that. No happiness. So is it worth it? So I think those are the big things going in.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Yeah, such common fears that we see as well. How hard is this going to be? Is it going to be super restrictive? And also, of course the very common fear or feeling like what if this doesn't work? What if I've already tried everything and there's nothing new coming to the table here. So we'll unpack this more, but I'm just wondering if you have anything to share right here around how those fears evolved as you worked through the process.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Sure. Well, pretty quickly I saw that we're taking a very reasonable paced approach. A lot of it was guided by me getting to intuitively look and see and find like, oh, I could improve in that and I'm gravitated towards that. So it comes with a little bit more natural motivation. Yeah, that's something I could change rather than being told, you have to do this thing. And I'm like, oh, I don't want to do that. I think that definitely helped. And celebrating wins regularly I think helped me see that you're not completely changing overnight, but you're identifying that there is progress in baby steps forward. And that was really motivating and helped, I think, respond to those fears of to see what it is possible to change and to heal and to cope, learning all those things.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Absolutely. Yeah. So it's a very different approach that we take different than you had previously experienced, more in the conventional medicine realm where it's like you're going to do this thing and then you do the thing, right? Mostly we're talking about medication being prescribed, but the process that we guide you through is very self-led. We pace it to your lifestyle at the time, the demands that are on you. And we don't live in your body. You do. We don't live in your life. You do. We don't know what your ultimate goals are. You do. So it's a really collaborative process to really bring you home to yourself. We're just kind of walking you home to yourself and finding your way with reducing and managing these symptoms and learning to interpret the symptoms as messages from your body, which ultimately we can provide a lot of education and resources around, okay, this is what we're looking for, but ultimately you have to make that connection with yourself and start to develop that relationship in a healthy and safe way. Where previously with PMDD, because of the severity of the symptoms, your relationship with yourself can really be on rocky ground and there can be a lot of work to do there. So this process almost is a doorway into the healing process of forgiveness, compassion, working with some of those deeper wounds that have come from living with these symptoms for so long you have in your case.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
And then I completely forgot what your second point was, so I can't riff on that right now, but maybe it'll come back to me. I'm really fixated on the first point. But those fears, oh, the second point was the strictness of changing everything. And that is something that we hear so often. That's my favorite thing to hear. One of my favorite things to hear is this wasn't so demanding I didn't have to change everything in my life to feel better because that's just not accessible. It's not what we want. We don't want to strip all the joy and pleasure out of life. So kind of finding your way with it that navigates the complexities without putting a bunch more pressure on you is huge and so important. So let's get into what we noticed was changing with you throughout the implementation of our protocols, the learning points that you got throughout the program. I would be curious to hear what shifted for you in symptom duration and severity if we could sit there. PIM has a lot to say about your story share right now, my dog.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Love it. Yeah, absolutely. So I, I think I was getting this solid two weeks symptomatic for me, I feel like I know there's strict specific boundaries for what is going to be diagnosed as PMDD, but then within that can look little different for individuals. And for some reason for me it's like I know when I ovulate, I start to feel awful and then it'll let up and then it'll tank again and then period starts and it's the relief. And so I was definitely experiencing major fatigue, lack of motivation, feeling really irritated. Like yesterday I was okay with the level of messy dishes and a pile of laundry that needs to be folded, and then today it is the absolute end of the world, that kind of thing. And it did get to the point at the worst that I was really struggling to even be able to work not very stressful job full time and was backing off and it was like, okay, really we got to change something and do something.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
So that's kind of what led me here. And as we made the different changes and adapted through the program and just identifying areas and strategies too with just kind of coping and the mental side of thinking through things and handling it, I think a huge thing that shifted for me was a mindset of going from kind of resenting my body, resenting having to go through this and then when I get irritable, being angry at everybody and it's not fair and why me to kind of accepting this is something my body's going through. And I like that word you used, having compassion for myself, this is hard and it's okay to be struggling. And being angry and resentful isn't making it better. It's making it more miserable. So I think just acceptance, coming to a state of acceptance and then, okay, how can I work with what I have? And so I think that a lot of that mental shift even changed how much the same symptom might affect me, lots to say. And so I still have days where I am tired and I'm not as motivated and I feel kind of down. But I think that level of acceptance, and we worked a lot on resilience and not letting that hold me down and still be able to see and celebrate. I'm having a hard day, but I still was able to push through and accomplish this and be proud of that made a huge difference.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
The mindset that you bring and the perspective that you bring and the patients that you bring really can change the experience. And so when people come into the program, they come into the program to reduce their symptoms, which we help you do. But something that's really missing in so much of the PMDD support angle that's provided, especially in conventional medicine, this is just out of their scope, but is the management and how you manage the symptoms can really make or break your life in the context of symptoms. How you manage the symptoms can determine do you still have a job? Are you still in a relationship if you have kids, do you still have custody of your kids depending on how severe your symptoms are, are you alive or not? The management aspect is huge, and so much of that management aspect is tied into mindset work, nervous system regulation, your perception and your tools for acceptance and understanding.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
So that is a huge part of the program and I think it's not as easy to quantify those wins. It's not like I'm hitting my protein goals or my hydration goals, check the box. It's more nebulous, deeper work. But at the same time, in some ways that is the work that is, I don't want to say more impactful, but there's something to it. There's to it that really fuels the healing process and really helps you unlock the next levels of recovery that you can't quite get if you're just focused on really specific protocols for these supplements and these diet changes and that type of thing. You need to marry both. And that's something that I didn't get when I was recovering with PMDD and finding help and support for PMDD. And it's something that I feel is so necessary and something that is one of my favorite things to provide in the process because it's unexpected.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
People expect to come in and do some diet changes and get some supplement recommendations and things like that, but they don't really expect that deeper work and we can't know what's going to come out of it for each individual. So it's really fun to see. And something that really came out for you was just being more present, experiencing more joy and pleasure in the day to day, feeling more in control, feeling more capable. We're going to read your quotes in a little while, but I believe one of them was something about how much stronger you were than you realized.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
And part of leading up to doing this program too, I did have some good experiences with counseling that helped kind of build some foundation coming in that I'm grateful for and I think helps pave the way. And that made me kind of realize just that background was like, oh, okay, this for me especially, I think it's important for everyone, but just kind of saw this is very impactful for me and how I mentally process things and that kind of side of coping and a lot of that didn't come naturally. And so I knew though that it was that final push to really see, I dunno, kind of a breakthrough is what I feel like this year has been for me was like, I just wish I had someone that it was PMGD. No, it was like that experience because it's just very specific that most counselors or other people aren't going to know. And yeah, that's where I think this being so personalized to where I'm at, my lifestyle, what I've got going on, what I can and can't do. And then coming in with that focused, focusing on PMDD and that experience is what made the difference.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Yeah, you were so primed. You had already done so much work, you've explored other avenues, so you really jumped in with two feet here. The timing, you are so thoughtful even with the timing of joining the program based on what else you had coming up in the future, your goals in the future. So there was a lot of intentionality to it and you carried that through the entire process, which just served you so beautifully. So I'm wondering, so we started out with two weeks of symptoms. As you've graduated out of the program, what are your symptoms looking like now as far as duration and severity of symptoms? What has changed?
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Yeah, I'd say I am down, well, my very last session with you, so I'll say was very exciting. I described it as I have never had this happen. I've always known when I was going to get my period. Thankfully I actually have very regular ones, so that is a cheat. But I'm just based on how I'm feeling. Knowing the symptoms was like, oh, I'm super depressed, angry, all these things, it's going to come in a few days. And the first time where I lost track of my cycle, my luteal phase was that manageable, that I was just kind of rolling with it. And then I got my period and I was like, oh my gosh, I forgot that was going to happen. And so symptom freeze, we will say, which is kind of with a caveat, but that was incredible. I was like, wow, that's possible, which is not going to be every month, but at this point since then it's been probably we're looking at three or four days of mild to moderate. If I've got super optional things that I can reschedule or just stay home and be lazy, I'll probably opt for that. But I can go to work, I can go to school, I'm able to do the things that are most important and not miserable, add in some extra TLC, which I think is a good thing to just do. And with that, it's definitely keeping
Speaker 1 (22:31):
Mild to moderate, which is so excited because starting out with around two weeks of moderate to severe symptoms within a four month period, being able to say a handful of days, three to four days of symptoms with one cycle in that period of time being symptom free for the caveat as we like to say.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
But that is so impressive and so exciting and so hopeful for the future of your life, but also for those listening, feeling like there's no way out of this. That's not the truth. You're just another testament to that. You showed up, you invested in yourself, you put in the paced and aligned work. And within a very short time, I mean four months after living with this for going on two decades is just a wild outcome and something to be so proud of. And it's just so inspiring, so huge transformation that we've seen there. And I'm also wondering, through this process you're talking about, okay, I was able to show up the way that the symptom reduction is impacting your quality of life, but you also had some pretty specific goals that you had coming into this program around medication for the future because you have things you want to do without the medication piece playing so much of a role. Is there anything that you feel comfortable sharing around that angle?
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Yeah, no, absolutely. A big motivation besides just side effects and unknown long-term health impacts with medication is I want to have kids in the future. I don't have any yet. And while some of them I could technically be out. I mean, you can't be on birth control, of course. So I knew that was going to be out, I had to step that. But some of them, it's like if the benefits outweigh the risks, and I was like, I don't know what that means. Would I want to do that? Is it worth risking it? And I just kind of decided was like, I really do not want to be on medication when I'm ready to start a family. And so that was a very specific goal. It was like, I want to do all this work into just building the healthiest body I can and habits and rhythms in my life to keep that steady underlying basis and then start working on tapering.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
And I was able to get off of birth control at the very beginning of the program was the first thing. So we were working through coming off of that. And I think that having the support through the program made that a much smoother process. And then I was also able to get off of lithium, which I'd been on for I think probably about three years. And I was very excited because I don't think I had any negative symptoms coming off of that. And still now it's been a couple months and doing really well. And so I've actually started tapering off of, or will be starting to taper off of the SSRA that I'm on. So I'm very excited for that.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Oh my goodness, Emma, this is just so wild. I do want to preface that medication tapering is out of my scope. So I was not directly facilitating this. I was helping you with the lifestyle and diet aspects, especially with birth control because that can impact nutrient absorption. So we really wanted to buffer you before you started working with your prescribing physicians to come off any of these medications. But you were able to come off too during the process with your providers with our support. And then you're preparing to come off of the third medication, which is just so fantastic. Another one of my favorite outcomes of this program, so many clients come into this with the hope of reducing their dosage or coming off of their medications, a wide variety of different medications. And it's happening so frequently with clients in different medication realms, as I'm saying. And so when that's their goal, we love supporting whatever goals you have, whether it's to go on medication or get off and be in it in the healthiest way for your body. And so that's really exciting to see you achieving those goals again in such a short time without any negative side effects, which is the craziest most amazing part of the whole thing.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Yeah, very exciting.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
So should we read some quotes from your sessions? Should just dip our toes back in. Okay. So exciting. So some of the quotes, I love this one. I'm able to do things and show up in my life. Another, oh, this is so good. I feel like my world is opening up. There are more.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Yeah, I think that was one of my favorite ones. I will see what else you say, but
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Yeah, yeah, your world opening up is so huge and such a beautiful just metaphor for the healing of PMDD process. You said, I feel so different than three to four months ago, which is fantastic. You said easiest luteal phase. I've had in as long as I can remember, this one hits deep, Emma, I feel like I can look ahead at the future and see possibilities and not just be in survival mode.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Yeah, I think that's the big
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Sum it up.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
So beautiful. And then I have a couple more here. You said I'm a lot more capable than I thought I was. I so much self-esteem is built when you learn to reduce and manage something that has plagued you forever and you've done all of these things to address it. I mean, what is better than getting these types of results with PMDD? What could boost your confidence more? Just it makes you feel untouchable. You feel so capable because you made huge strides here. And another one that is really cute is you said, I can't believe I'm smiling at work on day two of my cycle. Oh, that's great. I forgot that one, but now I remember. Yeah. Anything you want to add to those quotes as we're reflecting on them?
Speaker 2 (29:23):
Oh no, I think it just definitely helps me. I dunno, you can get kind of amnesia sometimes. I think that's because we live in that cycle and you have to forget how bad it is. And so it's really great to remind me of like, oh, just the results of the hard work and how worth it it is.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
Yeah. Yeah. It's so beautiful to see. Looking back, I also wanted to share, I mean a huge win. So we do a lot of data collection, we facilitate testing. There's a lot of number games that we're playing in the process to help you, well to help us build protocols and personalize them to you, but also to give you some firm ground to stand on of what you're getting out of the process. What has changed where we're seeing improvements. So one of those, this is where we start all of our clients that we provide this in our introductory session for those considering coming into the program, and it's a symptom assessment. It's a 320 question assessment that evaluates lifestyle factors, diet factors and your symptoms, and ties them to different body systems, organs, nutrient factors, things like that. So we started out with that when we ran that for you in April, and your symptom burden came back at 513 points.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
So quite high, numerous things in the high priority and the median priority for you to be focusing on. We targeted what we found in that symptom assessment along with the lab data that we collected for you and the nutritional therapy process that we guided you through. We implemented those changes. You diligently explored with curiosity, the possible protocols. And as you implemented those and saw the reduction, we retested at the end of the program and you had reduced your symptoms down to 292 points from 513. So we saw a 221 point reduction for you in your symptom burden, which is just so exciting. That's a large symptom burden reduction. And just mirrors the results, the quotes, the reduction in severity and duration of your specific symptoms. So as you're reflecting on this, I'm wondering what message of hope do you have to that version of yourself four months ago, feeling hopeless, feeling unsure of where to go from here or for others out there feeling like there's really nothing to do about these symptoms. I just have to continue to white knuckle it. It's going to continue to negatively affect my life. You really have experienced a transformation. You're on another side of living with PMDD one that many of us don't reach, especially in a four month period. So what little nuggets of wisdom can you share for your past self and for those people still in the place of feeling hopeless?
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Yes. I mean, I think you hear people say it, and so it can feel old, but truly just like don't give up. I mean, I'm glad I didn't. Sometimes it takes hard work and it may not come as fast and it can take trial and error, but I think you realize as you're working through it and you look back and you're like, I've made it this far, having to deal with this, that I'm strong enough to keep working for changes and working to find what's going to help you. And yeah, I think that was a big one for me was just realizing that in my quote, I am stronger than I think I am. And when you get the right support and help through this program is one way, then you can really make a lot of changes. And there's so many things you can do. I think it's truly impossible to try everything. Yeah,
Speaker 1 (33:51):
You have to tell yourself a new story. Now that old belief of I've tried everything has been disproven. And that's so good because you do have so many options continuing even beyond now with the results that you've seen. You still, there's more to do as additional how things come up or you have a hard PMDD month, but that's such a beautiful takeaway to not give up. You really advocated for yourself continually. You drew a line in the sand and you said, I'm not going to continue to live this way. This has affected me for too long. It's getting in the way of my goals, the future that I want to have. And you, even with the fears and the apprehensions, even after everything that you tried, you still made the choice to keep going and look at you now.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
And I think too, I would add that you also don't have to do everything. And so that's kind of an assurance of, I was afraid of, oh my goodness, I'm going to have to eat kale every meal and have no joy and whatever, all these things. And it does not have to be that way. And it doesn't have to be extreme. And the smallest step one at a time is worth doing, and it is progress. And you could always be proud of that.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
So beautiful. Emma, thank you so much for coming in, being willing to share your story. I know this is really going to raise so much hope for those out there still suffering those on their journey to find relief from symptoms, learn how to manage symptoms better. Your story is a testament to that. It's just a shining beacon of light of what's possible for others. And we're so excited to see how this continues to play out because the work isn't done. You're still living, you still have a cycle. You're continuing towards your goals, but PMDD isn't at the center of your story anymore. You are.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
Thank you so much, Emma. Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me.
