Jes (00:19):
Hello, this is Jess with her mood mentor, and today I'm meeting with one of my one-to-one clients in PMDD rehab students. Rachel. Hi Rachel. So good to see you. Hello. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me. We're so excited to have you. It's really just so inspiring to hear others' PMDD stories and how they have transformed their symptoms along the way. So maybe let's just start there. Tell us a little bit about when these symptoms started for you, what it looked like, how it was impacting your quality of life.
Rachael (00:56):
Yeah, definitely. So I really noticed the biggest change after I had my second son and mine showed up in rage and anger. I was having these really bad, I call them now episodes. I was having these episodes and I, yeah, they were ruining my ability to parent properly. They were ruining and sabotaging my marriage. It was awful. I actually thought at the beginning, I started this whole journey thinking it was possibly bipolar or schizophrenic. That's how severe it felt like such a switch every month. Yeah, I was pushing away my support system. It was a lot. Yeah. That's where I first noticed that I really needed help. I honestly chalked it up to being something like that. And then when I did a little bit more research and I looked into it more, I kind of found out that I think it might be PMDD, and then it was October of last year, so 2024 was the first time that I had ever since having my son, was the first time that I had ever said that I don't want to be here anymore.
(02:21):
And that was rough because I knew that not only do I deserve that, but everybody else, my boys deserve me to be here. My husband deserves that. And not only do they deserve me to be here, but I need to be the best version of myself. I signed up for this parenting gig. I signed up to be married, and I want to be able to show up as the best version of myself. And oh, I was not that. Oh my goodness. And I knew that. And I think that's big too. Ask for help if I could say anything to anybody. Ask for help when you notice something is not right. Yeah. That's my little kind of story then. So it was October last year I really noticed, and that's when I said if I wasn't here, and I started to have that mindset and I was like, oh, that's not okay. That's when I really told my family and my husband and I have a beautiful support system, luckily, and I found you, and we started to work together and yay. Yeah.
Jes (03:28):
Well, thank you for sharing that. I know it's so vulnerable to talk about these things and
Rachael (03:32):
There's
Jes (03:32):
So much confusion and guilt and shame that comes along with the experience. So it's really brave of you to be here and to share your story. And we're so grateful to raise hope in the community for others, feeling these symptoms, feeling the confusion, feeling the guilt and shame. How long each cycle do you think these symptoms were affecting you?
Rachael (03:54):
Oh, easily. Easily. It was like two weeks of the month, which is half of the month. And I think they say it a lot in the pm DD community. It feels like you're literally building up this beautiful life for yourself all month, and then just this big crash comes down. And it was such a switch to the point that I thought it could be bipolar. So it was up to two weeks a month? It was, oh yeah. It was a lot. It was of anger. Mine shows up in a lot of anger. I know not everybody shows up the same way, but yeah, I had a lot of anger, a lot of rage, and they were lasting about two weeks a month, which is far too long for anybody
Jes (04:44):
Half of your life. And we always talk about, it's not like once you feel better, everything's better, right? You're apologizing to people, you're trying to piece your life back together. You're catching up on things.
Rachael (04:57):
You're building that life back up that you sabotaged over those last two weeks because you talk to people the way maybe you shouldn't have, or you reacted to situations you're not proud of. And then you're building up your self-esteem and yourself and everyone else around you for another two weeks, and then it comes crashing down again. So yeah,
Jes (05:17):
It's a lot. It's a lot. And it pervades into every aspect of your life, like you're saying, I can't be the wife I'm want to be. I can't be the mother I want to be. I can't be the person, the daughter, the friend, the sister that I want to be anymore. And luckily you not. I mean, two years, was that how long passed that these symptoms went on, or were
Rachael (05:36):
It last? It was about, yeah, two and half, almost two and a half years that these were happening. Yeah. And then it was in October, I decided, yeah, we got to do something.
Jes (05:48):
Yeah. Yeah. Well, and it's so great to see you take action that quickly because some of us, it was long, 17 years for me.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
I know.
Jes (05:56):
And I didn't have the husband, I didn't have the children, so I was younger, but it's wild how long we will just white knuckle through this and just keep going without saying, Hey, this is not okay, and I'm not going to live my life like this any longer.
Rachael (06:10):
Absolutely. And I think, thank God I have children and mostly the kids, my husband, him too. But I really, for the kids, I knew that this wasn't, I couldn't keep doing this. I was going to ruin our relationship. The episodes I were was having were not acceptable to be having in front of children. So I knew for them that it had to be done. So luckily there's people like you out there that share about it and talk about it, which is why I'm sharing my story because it didn't take too long for me, thank God to figure out what it really was and get the help that I needed. But yeah, I definitely did it because of my boys. They were number one. I was like, I got to do this for them. And then everything just kind of falls into place and I now feel so much better, like a new person for them. So good. I love it.
Jes (07:11):
Yeah. Such a beautiful story. I can't wait to get more into it because it's so inspiring. If you're listening or watching stick around, it's only going to get better. Rachel has such a good story to share with us. So obviously those self-harming thoughts coming online was a real red flag for you of motivation into changing it. But you would say the relationships were the second motivating factor into you. Hey, I have to take some action here. And what action did you initially take? Were there steps before you came to work with me? Were there things you were trying walk us through before we
Rachael (07:53):
Started working together? So I originally went to my general practitioner doctor thinking that it was something like bipolar, and we worked together a bit and the answers weren't quite there. I wasn't getting the answers I needed, love him, but he's a male doctor, and so he just can't resonate the same way as somebody who's really been through it. So I started there and I wasn't tick all of the boxes for things like what I mentioned before. Then I really started to think maybe I should figure out when it's happening, and then I'm like, oh, wait a minute. There might be some calculation here. But yeah, I definitely, once I started to notice that it was around before my period, I kind of had a feeling and then I hadn't taken too many steps other than my doctor, and I did see a naturopath as well, and it just wasn't quite, not quite enough, not what I needed. It was a lot of baseline work, not so deep it felt, and with you, it just felt like we dug deep a lot. I cried a lot that I'll be surprised before we're done this if I don't cry. So yeah, it wasn't as deep as I think I needed to dig to do the work and the healing that I specifically needed. And then, yay, I found you and thank God at the perfect timing and we connected and yeah, here we are.
Jes (09:56):
Been such a joy to work with you and such a gift to be a part of your healing experience with PMDD. So you moved more into the type of work that we were doing, and tell us a little bit about how that was different. We take a really targeted approach towards symptom reduction and management. And to give some context here, we also do a lot of data collection. So for our listeners, you came into my world on October 2nd, and we ran a symptom assessment for you, which is a nutritional therapy tool that I use to help personalize protocols to each individual client and kind of see, Hey, what are some of the drivers behind your symptoms? We ran that assessment for you, and you came back with a 440 point symptom burden, and we targeted that over the, that heavy. That sounds tabby. Yeah. You were caring a lot. There was a lot showing up there, and we targeted that. And over about four month period of time that we worked together in our program, you retook the assessment at the end and you were down to 193 point symptom burden. So you had reduced your symptom burden by 247 points.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
But
Jes (11:13):
Tell us a little bit about that process, how that was for you, how it was different, why you think it was so impactful.
Rachael (11:20):
Yeah, I wrote some stuff down. I will talk forever if I don't, where did I put that? Yes, I loved the way that you did it. It was so eyeopening. I just felt like we always saw the data. I always saw we were always a part of it, and I just loved the approach. It was very eyeopening. Seeing how my body and what I put into it and how I treat it affects me and in turn those around me. Yeah, I just, I got it here. Let me write it down. Oh, and too, I love too how tailored it was to me. Just that experience every time, whether I needed help in specifically with nutrition or you were always there to send a little paper or a little, I always love your, what do they call it? You sent me some breathing work and techniques and things. Oh, I love that. Yeah. It was just such an approach that I felt a part of and it really just eyeopening and clearly just seeing what I do and how I treat my body and what I put into it and how I care for it.
Jes (12:40):
Yeah,
Rachael (12:41):
It's been great. I've just loved it.
Jes (12:44):
So we used a series of different lifestyle and diet changes that we built in slowly over time based on your symptom assessment, based on your symptom pattern, your goals, and based on some other assessments that we run and what's called the seven core areas of hormone health, where we're looking at, hey, where are some of the factors in your life? What are some of the factors in your nutrition and all throughout these different areas of your life that could be driving your symptoms to be worse. And what did you learn? I mean, you learned so much, but what are some of the things you learned about yourself through the process? Because it really is, so much of the process is shifting your mentality from being attacked by the symptoms, being a victim of the symptoms to recognizing the symptoms as messages about what your body needs. So what were some of the things that you've learned along the way that made the biggest impact for you?
Rachael (13:40):
I think that my body was literally screaming out that it just needed some support in certain ways, literally screaming out, and it was coming out in so many different ways. My body needed a change and this was it. And
Jes (14:01):
And you made those changes. It was hard. It's hard to, it
Rachael (14:03):
Did. Oh my gosh. Well, that's what I mean too. It's definitely, it's work, but it's not hard. It's beautiful work. I am so transformative and I've really enjoyed it, and the nutrition has been so important for me. Nutrition definitely as well as for me, I find sleep too.
Jes (14:37):
So I have some quotes. Do you want to hear them back?
Rachael (14:40):
I do.
Jes (14:40):
Okay. And then we can get into, because my next question is really the improvements and benefits that you've seen, but some of these quotes I think are going to maybe bring some emotion up for you. So by our second session, you said this month was a lot better and my episodes were shorter. So we saw a reduction in symptoms both in the severity and the duration already by that second session. We go pretty hard in the beginning. I want you to feel better as quickly as possible.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
Yes.
Jes (15:15):
By the third session you said that your mother had noticed
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Changes.
Jes (15:23):
And then in the, let's see here, this is where gets a little heart. Oh, the heartstrings. By session six, you said, I feel like myself. You said I'm happy and it feels good.
Speaker 4 (15:40):
Yes.
Jes (15:41):
You said this is manageable and it makes me excited about what's to come after two weeks of dealing with the symptoms to say something like that. Only a few months in. And then I think my favorite was I don't hate myself anymore.
Rachael (16:03):
Yeah. Oh yeah, that's a big one. I had a lot of guilt and shame around my behaviors towards those that I love. And that's the reason I sought sought it, whatever, looked for help in the first place. And yeah, it's so weird to hear though, that feels like such a foreign person, but I hold a lot of space for that version of me, I guess. But I've done the work to get here and it takes work every day, but it's work that is clearly, it's been life changing, so yeah. You got me.
Jes (17:08):
Well, I'm not trying to make you cry, but it's so interesting to see where you started and I mean two plus years you were dealing with these symptoms to see in a four month period of time, that reduction. And we saw it in your symptom mapping. We're collecting that data. We saw it in your symptom burden graph. We saw it there, but then we saw it in you and we saw it and your family saw it in you. And this shift from this dread, and you literally said, I feel happy and hopeful and so much less doom and dread. You're way being
Rachael (17:41):
Shifted. Yeah. There was always this dark cloud all the time that just felt like it was over top of me. And that was almost 24 7, but obviously got very worse when, two weeks before my period. Yeah, well, when those episodes happening now, yes. The clarity I feel now is just like, yeah, they're always going to be there, the symptoms and stuff, but I feel so capable to manage them now and
Jes (18:19):
And how have they changed? So we started out with two weeks of episodes that we're degrading your relationship with your children, your family, your ability to work towards goals and be the person you wanted to be. You're managing the symptoms very differently now, but how has the presentation of the symptoms changed, if at all?
Rachael (18:41):
I don't have my big episodes anymore. I don't even really call it my hell week. But yeah, I don't even have big episodes anymore. I can almost catch myself now before I say something I know that I shouldn't or that kind of thing. I'm able to do that, but that's not all me that does come with my support group. They're very, thank God, very supportive and they help immensely. So yeah, the duration of them, just the heaviness that I feel daily and especially, well, the duration is just down to, I think we talked about it. It's like I've had almost five days maybe, or four or five days of symptoms that I get now opposed to the two weeks. And even during those five days now, the lightness that I feel is just incredible and the clarity I have to make a decent decision, which I thought was never possible during my luteal phase. It's so liberating and I just feel so capable now, which is so good. That was never a thought in my head that I would be able to do for the past two and a half years. So yeah,
Jes (20:02):
It's really changed your view of yourself, what you believe is possible, what you believe is possible for your future, and then the whole energy around it instead of this darkness. There's curiosity, there's hope. It's very different. And so the family was a big motivating factor for you here. What benefits or improvements have you seen in the family dynamic and the ability for you to be the mom that you want to be, the wife you want to be? Have there been changes there?
Rachael (20:30):
Yeah, definitely. I feel like I could connect with my boys way better. I would get very irritated with them, not have very much patience, but opposed to two weeks down to five is beautiful, can manage that. And even during those five days, I have my toolbox that I can pull from and manage it. And it's just my boys always. It's my boys. The relationship with them is always number one. And I've just seen such an improvement with that and with them, and I just look so forward to raising them and seeing the trouble they get into. And now I know that I'll be able to handle those situations because I can't imagine me a couple years ago dealing with a 16-year-old boy. So I'm very excited that I have the tools now to enjoy them as they grow. I haven't felt that was a huge thing. I haven't felt like I've enjoyed my sons very much, especially the last three years. So yeah,
Jes (21:42):
That's going to make me cry.
Rachael (21:46):
That's
Jes (21:46):
Huge.
Rachael (21:47):
It's a tough one. That's all you ever want as a parent. And all you ever expect is that it's just going to be such a beautiful connection immediately and so lovely. And it's tough when you have that happen every month and you can't be the parent you want to be and you hold a lot of embarrassment around it. I struggled with that too, which the embarrassment and the guilt with how I acted, and a lot of that is I don't have that a lot anymore. A couple times I'm like, oh, right, Rachel. But it's never, it's what it was, and I will never allow it to get to that again ever again. So yeah,
Jes (22:28):
I'm just so inspired by you and just so excited about the way your life is shifting and unfolding and the agency and autonomy you feel over your body and yourself and your life again.
Rachael (22:44):
Thank you. Yeah,
Jes (22:45):
It's huge. So is there anything else you want to share? Anything in your notes or anything we haven't talked about yet?
Rachael (22:54):
I don't think so. The only thing that I know, I don't know if you're going to ask, but I have here a message of hope.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
Yes,
Rachael (23:05):
Bring it on because I'm probably going to cry for this one. Okay. Okay. We love it. We love it. My lovely message of hope is that you can be happy again, you can have the relationships you want, you can love yourself again, and you can love your life again. It takes work. It's beautiful work, but you're worth it. And I think the number one for me is to ask for help when you notice that something is a little off or question it or Yeah. And then my second two, my huge big thing I wrote down is always find and build a support group, which you have an amazing community. I know you do over wherever. I'm sure you'll explain it. But anyway, I know you have an amazing community over there, which is amazing. And if please ask for help, build a community. And I swear to you, you can be happy. Again, I was where you are and I thought that that was out of reach and impossible and here, and I'm here today, thank God, and I'm happy it doesn't look like it, but I am. These are happy tears. So yeah, that was my message of my message of hope for those out there.
Jes (24:37):
Yeah, it's so powerful, Rachel, because you know what it's like to be you five months ago, two years ago. It steals all of the hope away from you, and even more so the longer it goes on, the more you try things and you feel like it didn't work, that guilt and that shame just continue to build that fear and that bracing of what's the next cycle going to bring? It is traumatizing. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:02):
And
Jes (25:03):
Hope is kind of a double-edged sword. Like sometimes you can have it and get let down when we're trying things, but we have to hold out the hope and we have to recognize, just like it is with every one of us dealing with these symptoms, your body is communicating information to us when we start to learn how to listen. And I would say it's a complex process, but it's not necessarily complicated, right? There are layers of depth. We're looking at environmental exposure, chemical exposure in your environment. We're looking at very detailed what you're putting into your body as far as nutrition goes, hydration goes, all of that. We're looking at your drainage and detox pathways. We're looking at your relationship dynamics. We're looking at your feeling of purpose and meaning in your life. We're looking at how you move your body, all of these things. And it can feel like, well, I want to die, so how are any of those things going to make that big of a
Speaker 4 (26:00):
Difference?
Jes (26:01):
But it's a culmination and it's a slow process of healing and building things in and recovering over time in a way that works for you, which is such an important part of the process. But it can get better. Look at you from two weeks of episodes is what we're calling, I know, to five days of mild to moderate symptoms and changing a relationship with yourself and those around you in the process. It's such a domino effect of when you heal your life heals.
Rachael (26:35):
Absolutely. Yeah. That's how I feel for sure.
Jes (26:39):
Yay. Well, thank you, Rachel, for sharing your story. I know this is going to raise much hope in the community.
Rachael (26:45):
We appreciate. I'm not always great with my words, so I apologize if I wasn't perfect there, but I'm working on it. You're amazing. You're so articulate. Yeah. I'm not always great with my words, but there just truly is. You can be happy again, that's all. I just, because I really did not think that I could be. So yeah, that's all
Jes (27:08):
Amazing. Well, thanks again, Rachel. So excited to share this story with the community and I look forward to hearing how things continue to go for you.
Rachael (27:16):
You definitely will be hearing from me. Love it. Love it.
