Speaker 1 (00:20):
PMDD shaped my life for 17 years before I could name it, I spent those years searching for answers, questioning my sanity, and desperately seeking treatments that actually worked. My painful journey had an unexpected twist. Helping others heal from PMDD became my life's purpose. Hi, I'm Jess, a board certified nutritional therapist coach, the founder of her mood mentor and your host. This is PMDD PEP Talk, A weekly reminder that your suffering is real, your experience is valid, and your future is brighter than your symptoms suggest. Each week, we're going to explore the truths about PMDD that nobody talks about, the kind of truths that shift something deep inside you and make you think maybe there's more possible than I imagined. Whether you're in the depths of luteal darkness or riding the clarity of your follicular phase, you're exactly where you need to be because here's what I know for sure.
(01:18):
Healing PMDD isn't just about managing symptoms, it's about transforming your life. This challenge, as brutal as it can be, is an invitation to know yourself more deeply and live a more joyful purpose-filled life. PMDD might feel like your whole story, but it's just a chapter and you get to write what comes next. Welcome to PMDD, PEP Talk, quick pep talk, pause. Remember that everything we talk about here is meant to educate and inspire. Always team up with your healthcare provider for personal medical advice. All right, now let's get into it. There we go. Okay. Hello, this is Jess from her Mood mentor, and today I am meeting with one of my one-to-one clients, Lauren, and she's going to be telling us a little bit about her PMDD experience. Hi Lauren.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Hi Jess.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
So excited to chat. So would love for you to kind of paint the picture of what was happening in your life when the symptoms started, what they were, how long you were experiencing them, just kind any details you're willing to share with us to kind of paint the picture of what you experienced with these symptoms.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Yeah, so my PMDD journey or awareness started about a little over three years ago. I was about maybe a couple months postpartum when I started, when my cycle came back and I started to notice something is off. I'm feeling different. I had postpartum depression, and for a little while I thought, okay, maybe things are kind of relating to that. But I reached this point where one day I was totally fine. I felt like my normal self, and the next day I had intense suicidal ideation. I looked at my husband and I said, I'm not okay. I feel really, my thoughts are really scary. I don't have intent, but I have these really intense and scary thoughts and out of nowhere. And that day started me down this journey to figure out what was going on. It was really scary at first. So I went what I think is kind of the typical route. I was in talk therapy. I did some SSRIs and never really found any relief. It always came back really cyclical. We moved close to family. I was really struggling, and it just got to the point where I couldn't do daily life. I have two little kids, and it was just a struggle to even be off the couch for almost every two weeks was just almost impossible to make breakfast, lunch, and dinner kind of function. So that, that's a little bit of my story, a little bit of background on me.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Yeah. So you were dealing with those symptoms for two weeks on top of having a new baby. Was this before? This was the second baby. After the second baby. So you also had second toddler
Speaker 2 (04:32):
At the same time? Toddler at the same time. And just looking back now, I knew I was struggling, but I didn't realize how much I was struggling and how it was affecting my life, even when I was not symptomatic. Just kind of that, I call it PMDD hangover, almost trying to put things back together before the next shoe falls, if you will.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Yeah. And were there any of these mood symptoms before the birth of your children or they just really came out?
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Honestly, it was not until that second postpartum time that I was like, wow, this is intense. This is different. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Yeah. Just like smacked you beside the head there so much at once. And so two weeks of symptoms, suicidal ideation, you're talking about not being able to get through your day. Can you describe some more of the symptoms that were holding you back from just functioning?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Yeah, so definitely suicidal ideation. This constant, these ruminating thoughts where it's almost like duality where I have a logical brain, most thoughts are not normal, and that's just to have to constantly tell yourself throughout the entire day you were okay, these thoughts are going to pass, is exhausting. And sometimes it was just like, I have to sit here and just sit. Some other symptoms that I experienced were intense rage, really big mood swings where I'd go from zero to 10 or zero to 25. And then very mad, very intense, loud yelling to crying and feeling so guilty about that reaction. As I started to get into the PMDD course and coaching with you, starting to track my symptoms, I definitely noticed some other things, but my most severe symptoms and most reoccurring symptoms were rage and the suicidal ideation.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Yeah. So that intensity, especially when you're trying to manage toddlers and babies, you're like, Hey, somebody got to be
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Calm here.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
I
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Rational. So my irrationality was, it was not the best blend.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Yeah, yeah. Triggering, I'm sure each other constantly. So you had tried numerous other modalities, which were helpful in some ways, but not quite getting you where you wanted to be. So what was that turning point that made you initiate getting some specific help for these pmm DD severe premenstrual symptoms?
Speaker 2 (07:16):
I think that the straw that broke the camel's back, if you will, was looking at my life and seeing where I wanted to be as a person, as a parent, and recognizing that what I was trying, it wasn't helping, it wasn't making the difference that I needed. One thing that I kind of discovered and we talked about in our coaching was that I really have the desire to homeschool my kids and not being able to function just a daily life. I couldn't even fathom. I couldn't vision homeschooling in that state that I was in. And so that was my husband and I had a conversation of what are we doing? What are little ones almost old enough for school? What's going to be the plan? And my heart said, oh, I really want to try to homeschool. And I was like, I don't know if mentally if I can do it, I need to find something that can help me get there.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
So it was really that turning point of like, yes, this is impacting my daily life, but now it's really starting to impact my plans for the future, my children's future, and what I want for them. And that's so often where that crux point comes, we can tolerate all of the suffering we can soldier through, but when it starts having an impact on those closest to us, that's where so many of us have to draw the line. And so you did, you decided, hey, okay, I need to find another way. I'm going to start experimenting. And we jumped in. We were working through the pmm DD rehab course. We were doing one-to-one work together with nutritional therapy and coaching. So if anything, what changed for you during that process?
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Yeah, I mean I definitely learned so much about the menstrual cycle about myself. I think that the course and the coaching together was so beneficial for me because if I had questions, you were there to answer them and kind of guide me through. I've seen an amazing reduction in symptoms. I think my first session with you, I said, if I see a 5% reduction in symptoms, I will consider that a success. And my last session, I had two days of very mild symptoms compared to 10 days of extreme symptoms when I first started with you. And that is amazing in itself. But the relationship that I have with my kids, the relationship that I have with my husband, with myself, those have all changed in a very positive direction as well. I'm crying
Speaker 1 (10:06):
About it. I know. I feel like I remember our last session. You were crying, I'm crying, crying. We're like crying, sad, crying. That 5% that you were really aiming for. And then we saw in the, because we're collecting all this data, the 10 days, the two days from 10 or more days of moderate to severe symptoms to down to two days of mild. But then we also saw the charts where you reduce your symptom burden by 215 points. So we could actually see among other metrics that we were tracking, just real hard numbers because often that's the first measurable thing, the relationship improvements and some of that starts becoming more clear later, but that's what you wanted, right? Yes. You wanted to reduce the symptoms, but you wanted to reduce the symptoms to have a better life with your family. That was really the why. And so the fact that you're doing that is so amazing. What do you feel like in the process benefited you the most or really helped you move the needle from trying things and not really feeling like you were getting somewhere to trying something new and feeling like, wow, I actually can see changes?
Speaker 2 (11:20):
I think that there was an added layer of accountability. I had tried, not a PMD specific course, but I'd tried courses, self-help courses, if you will before, but having pmm DD specific was obviously very helpful. Having you, our one-on-one sessions, I felt like an added level of accountability where you were there asking me the questions, and I don't want to say forcing, but gently guiding me in the direction that I needed to go. And I loved that you held me accountable to celebrate my small wins. That has been something that I'd never done before. Very, very easy for me to minimize the little things that I accomplish, but taking the time each session to say, okay, this is what we did and this is how I'm going to celebrate that. Even if my answer was the same every time has been such a good shift for me to realize it's okay to be excited about the small things getting through the day and only being a little bit angry, or I'm waking up and I can make breakfast, lunch and dinner and not struggle. That is a win. And that's cool.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
I'm so emotional about it. Yeah. Yeah. It's okay. It's something to be emotional about it. This was really, really holding you back in so many ways, like the basic life things that you were trying to do, especially for your family, you were struggling. And now to be able to say, I can just move through my day. It is so exciting. And really in a short period of time that you were able to see those results. We worked together for three months, but to be able to be to talk. Now, we last spoke in January was your last session, the end of January, and it's now April, so it's been a few months. So tell me a little bit anything to share that's happened since Any
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Updates? Not a ton of big movement, but I'm still just on the same pathway. Pathways tracking symptoms, still seeing a drastic reduction in symptoms. I think that it is easy to think, okay, I am whole and healed. I finished this course, I'm done with my coaching, but for me at least is a lifestyle change. Thinking about meal prepping, what I'm eating when I'm eating it, looking at my cycle and just continuing to do that because I know that it is beneficial to me
Speaker 1 (13:59):
And continuing to celebrate. There were so many times when we're on these calls, especially mothers, we always feel like, well, I didn't do anything. And then we zoom out and I'm like, really? Lauren, did you not do anything? And you list this mile long list of things you've been doing, and so I hope you've been keeping up with that celebration as well.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
I have. That has been very nice.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
It's so key. It's so key. So is there anything else you want to share with the community? There are a lot of so many people out there suffering with these symptoms, feeling like I tried everything or There's nothing else out there because I did the birth control, I did the antidepressants, or just feeling stuck, feeling hopeless. And you have lived this experience in so many different realms through kind of experience the transformation with it. Is there any insights that you can share? Anything you want to say to someone?
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Yeah, sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. I would just say that even if you feel at your end of the rope, there is hope. It might not be overnight. You are not going to wake up tomorrow and feel like a whole new person, but if you are willing to try and celebrate yourself, you can hopefully feel better. I would recommend your course to anybody, even somebody who's not experiencing PMDD, but just your meet, your menstrual psycho course was so informative about my body, things that I never learned, never knew, and I think that everybody could benefit from that.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Yeah, that base reproductive health education, such a key place to start. Well, could I read some of your quotes from our last session and then just see if they still ring true or how you're feeling about them now? Some of these are really amazing. One of them, the biggest one I think is you said I've experienced zero suicidal ideation in that last,
Speaker 2 (16:08):
I could still say that. You could still say that. I can still say that. And that just is amazing. 17 gold stars. I feel like so wonderful to be able to say that.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
So incredible. And it didn't magically happen. You worked no, hard to learn to reduce that symptom from different angles. We really worked on that. But the fact that you did that, I mean, we think we're going to live with that forever until we don't.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
I truly, truly thought I was going to live like that forever. I really did. It's so exciting to know that I'm not,
Speaker 1 (16:48):
I mean, just what the hangover from that specifically wanting to die and how that plays out relationally and then the guilt, the pressure, the exhaustion of fighting against that. The fact that just no more of that, you can just move through your life so much easier without that weight on you. Something else you said was everything is less intense.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Also true. I, I'm a very deeply feeling person, so I think I'll always have a wide range of emotion and feeling, but it doesn't feel, it feels, I had moments of what felt like I was out of control. I had no grasp on my reaction and my feeling, my emotion and my responses, and I don't feel that way. I feel I can still touch each feeling instead of it just being around me, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Yeah. It's not consuming you, it's not ruling you. You can experience the sensations without being taken over by them. And then something else you said was, I'm not reaching a level 10 of rage.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
I still can say that as well. Maybe a 9.5, but again, it's not this feeling of being out of control. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Well, and two young children can't take you to a 10 pretty quick regardless of your cycle. Thank you there. Oh my goodness. This is so exciting, Lauren. Well, thank you for taking the time to come and share your story, to raise hope for others who are going through this, especially young mothers, grappling all of the things and feeling just kind of like there's no way out. You're proof of the fact that that's not true. We can find ways forward and it's not easy. You put in the work, you showed up, you got vulnerable in the work, but it's still months later holding true. This wasn't just kind of a quick fix. This is a really transformational part of your life moving forward. It's sounding like,
Speaker 2 (19:14):
Yeah. Yes, I have been reminded that I am worth the time to take care of myself because when I take care of myself, I am more present and I can be a better partner and parent.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
So exciting. And maybe homeschooling is on the docket
Speaker 2 (19:31):
And maybe a small homeschool where I am looking at the options and curriculums. And I think in the fall we will go forward and be a homeschool family, which
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Is so exciting to see. I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry. I really want to cry though. This is such a big deal.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
It feels exciting.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
It's so exciting. And not just for you. That's the thing, right? Yes. We want to feel better, but the impact that you're going to be able to have on the people's lives around you, the way that you're going to be able to show up, the way that you're going to be able to set goals and move towards them is totally different. Now, because you've proved yourself that you can seemingly disappear this cyclical suicidal ideation, which sounds fake or some kind of magic trick, but you did that for yourself. You're here saying that I'm tracking the symptoms. It's not showing up. If you can do that, I'm honestly asking Lauren, what can you not, but what can you not do?
Speaker 2 (20:40):
You do. Ask the tough questions. Jess, please tell me something.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
I think of anything that is miraculous and incredible and you really did that. Yes, we were working together. We were a team, but you were making the changes. You were being true to what you wanted to try and working collaboratively, collaboratively with me to bring these changes to fruition. And I think that's what a collaborative approach, working with a practitioner who takes that type of approach is so important because I can give you a protocol all day if it's not going to work for you because of your life, your schedule, the situation, it's not going to work for you. So we really worked together to find things that were going to work for you and then slowly build on those. And in three months you were coming out saying those things. That's great. Amazing. But the even better part is that it's long lasting.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Yeah. That's one thing that I loved about coaching is that if I was like, I can't make that work. Do you have another idea? You were there with 15 other things that you're like, okay, let's pick what can we try this course? And your coaching has changed my life has changed my family's life, and I am so grateful and thankful for you,
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Lauren. I just fall so in love with my clients. Something brings us together and it really is a deep and meaningful relationship. And to see you thriving in this way is makes everything worth it for me. All of the years of my own suffering. Absolutely worth it to be able to sit here with you and hear your story and see you being such an outstanding mama to those children. So thank you. Thank you for trusting me and showing up and sharing your story.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Thank you for guiding me on my way.
