Speaker 1 (00:20):
PMDD shaped my life for 17 years before I could name it, I spent those years searching for answers, questioning my sanity, and desperately seeking treatments that actually worked. My painful journey had an unexpected twist. Helping others heal from PMDD became my life's purpose. Hi, I'm Jess, a board certified nutritional therapist coach, the founder of her mood mentor and your host. This is PMDD PEP Talk, A weekly reminder that your suffering is real, your experience is valid, and your future is brighter than your symptoms suggest. Each week, we're going to explore the truths about PMDD that nobody talks about, the kind of truths that shift something deep inside you and make you think maybe there's more possible than I imagined. Whether you're in the depths of luteal darkness or riding the clarity of your follicular phase, you're exactly where you need to be because here's what I know for sure.
(01:18):
Healing PMDD isn't just about managing symptoms, it's about transforming your life. This challenge, as brutal as it can be, is an invitation to know yourself more deeply and live a more joyful purpose filled life. PMDD might feel like your whole story, but it's just a chapter and you get to write what comes next. Welcome to PMDD, PEP Talk, quick pep talk, pause. Remember that everything we talk about here is meant to educate and inspire. Always team up with your healthcare provider for personal medical advice. All right, now let's get into it. Hello, this is Jess from her Mood mentor, and today I'm meeting with one of my PMDD rehab and integrative menstrual health coaching clients and student Katie here, and she's going to share about her PMDD experience and her symptom transformation through the process. Hi Katie.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Hello.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Thanks for chatting with me today. I'm so excited to get your story out and raise hope for others.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
You too. This is really exciting. I'm going to try not to cry.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Okay, me too. You're going to get crying. I'm going to get crying. Your story is so powerful, so it's okay if we cry. Why don't we just start with you sharing a little bit about your history with PMDD, your experience before we met?
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Yeah. I believe I had PMDD probably since high school. I'm 33 now, but I was not diagnosed with PMDD until I was 31. And when I found out that I had PMDD, it was wild because immediately I was like, oh my gosh, now this is something I can try to figure out. And it was really disheartening because the second that I found out what PMDD was and that there wasn't really anything to do and SSRIs aren't good for me to take, and I just felt very hopeless. So I spent a year, once I found out that it was PMDD, I noticed because I started, I'm a scientist, so I started symptom mapping on my own of what you do, and I would map every single day, and for two weeks out of the month, I would be bedridden basically. And I just had insane rage and I dealt really, oh my God, I am going to cry.
(03:49):
It's okay. My suicidal ideation was so bad. And I look back at even when I was younger, I mean, I have thought about taking my own life for my entire life, and I just thought that that was me. And I just thought that there was something, I just thought that that was real. The thoughts that I had were real and what I was experiencing was the truth. And even when I found out I had PMDD, it helped me understand that what my thoughts were weren't as real. So it was easier for me not to think about acting on my thoughts, but you still have them. So it was really bad for me and I was just looking for anything I could to help. I also, I would want to add that I went to school for holistic nutrition and I am a scientist. And so even though I was symptom mapping and I was doing everything that I thought would be possible to help me, I still wasn't feeling any better. And it was really hard for me to understand why I saw people online feeling better or figuring out their own stuff, and it was really hard for me. I was so jealous. I was like, wow, how did they figure out everything that was affecting them,
(05:18):
How to fix those things?
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Yeah. So you were navigating this just without a diagnosis for so long, and then you finally had the diagnosis, which was helpful, but it still didn't really change the experience for you, and that was what, 20 years close to? Yeah,
Speaker 3 (05:39):
At least. Yeah,
Speaker 1 (05:44):
A really long time. And that half of two weeks, we were looking when we started and we started working together in June. And so at that time you were saying that it was around, what did I say earlier? 14 to 16 days that these symptoms were really severe is what we were mapping. So more than half of your life? Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
So what a lot of time hiding. That's what I noticed, especially when the pandemic hit I was given. That was the best part for me, I guess, about the pandemic, was I was given the opportunity to be more at home. So it allowed me the ability to really acknowledge how much it affected me and how much I spent with suicidal ideation and really serious dissociation and not being able to leave my house being very clumsy, fog brain and just feeling sick. I wouldn't eat for the entire day until five o'clock because I would be so nauseous.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
And you had worked with gynecologists. What other practitioners had you worked with to try to resolve this?
Speaker 3 (06:59):
My therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist, my gynecologist, but it always was me telling them what I was doing. And so the one thing I will say that did really help me before I ever met you was I did take famotidine, but that only was helpful in regards to kind of having more level head in the way, but still it did not have the effect I needed, and it was just taking a pill to mask symptoms. It's not fixing things.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
So what was kind of the driving factor for you looking to work with a more integrative practitioner like myself or a health coach?
Speaker 3 (07:48):
I found you, I'm pretty sure I found you during the PMDD awareness month, and it for me was like, because before I had come to you, in my mind I boggled with it and I was like, well, I'm healthy and I work out and I eat well, and what could possibly make this change? But for me it was like, why wouldn't I, if this can help, then I wanted to do anything I could to try and help fix it. And so it was like, alright, this is my last try it trying something new.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Okay. Yeah. So you just hit that breaking point. You weren't getting the results you were looking for with the other practitioners. The medications weren't providing the relief that you were looking for, and so that led you to me. And can you tell us a little bit about your experience going through PMDD rehab, going through integrative menstrual health coaching? How was that different? What was ultimately the result going through that process?
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Yeah, in the beginning, I will be completely honest, I was totally skeptical even after our first meeting. I was like, oh my gosh, this isn't possible. There's no way that this can work. And I feel like I sound like an infomercial when I say that or something. I was like, I really did just, I couldn't imagine what could possibly be the game changer to make me feel better or that it was possible for me to feel better. And what I noticed was, and I was super appreciative of you, was that you made it a process that was for me to figure out myself. It's not like you gave me answers and made it, which I guess was probably the hard part for me in the beginning is I was like, I want an answer right now. But it really was me figuring out my body and what I need and what is going to help me.
(09:54):
And you really guided me along in that process because we started off with did we start off with nutrition or did we started off with nutrition? I thought that if I got my micronutrients and did all of that, which I had already kind of tried doing, then that would set up everything. But then I realized it was my relationship with myself and the time I was giving myself and kind of loving myself. But it was crazy because it sounds like it's so much, but really it really, really hit with me after you and I had talked about just taking walks in the morning and making sure I get sun in my eyes and just having a morning practice for myself. And it was crazy because once the little things fell into place, all of a sudden more things started clicking. I realized that because I always looked at my biggest symptoms.
(11:00):
I always looked at the suicidal ideation and I looked at my physical symptoms and I couldn't see anything else, but I never thought about figuring out what caused those bigger symptoms to happening. And it was the smaller things that I wasn't addressing. So for me, the biggest part was addressing my nausea. And once I addressed my nausea and realized that I needed to be eating on a specific schedule and making sure I was getting the nutrients that my body needed, that allowed me to make sure that I didn't go into rage and didn't have anxiety and didn't have serious anger or frustration throughout the day. And once I figured out that, then I was able to, which is I'm huge into working out. So that even helped my workout routines too, because then I was able to eat more properly the workouts that I was doing and then working out also, it was a domino effect.
(11:59):
One little change created this huge domino effect in my life. And after we finished, I mean also a huge part for me, and I'm probably going to cry right now, but was I remember when you and I were talking and it was like three months into it, and you had read back to me the things that I was saying and the things that I wanted out of this, and you were just repeating words that I had already said for myself, but it was that I actually had put in the work and did something for myself and completed something myself. And being able to feel better was a bigger accomplishment for me than my graduations or anything else. And after we finished, I was definitely nervous because I was afraid to be alone. But then before we even decided to do this video, the reason why I waited so long was because I was going through PMDD the last two weeks, and I was nervous that if I did this during that time, that I wouldn't have the right mindset to be on a call and talk about what happened or be positive and I don't know.
(13:25):
But it's crazy. I think that the domino effect has gotten even bigger because the healthier I've become, the better it gets every month. And I worked out every day through PMDD this month, and I did not stay in the house for an entire day once. I didn't stay in bed for an entire day once. And I mean, it's like I don't even remember what PMDD was like anymore, but I can think about it now and I am emotional about it. I don't experience it anymore, but it's just not even close to, I feel like I experience PMS now. It's not even PMDD anymore,
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Katie, this is such a powerful story that you're sharing with us and transformation. I mean, yeah, when we started, I mean you were at your wit's end and we had the data, the cycle data to prove, look, this is 14, 16 days of severe symptoms, severe suicidal ideation, depression, anxiety. We had them all mapped out and going through this process, like you had said, it's so crazy how those little things changed everything. I have just pages and pages of beautiful quotes from you, and I'm going to share more of them. But I think the major takeaway here for the people listening and also for myself and for you, is that these changes didn't stop When we stopped working together. You are still feeling better. Your overall health is improving from this. And so wow, just, I'm so excited that you're sharing this with us, and I'm so excited that the results are just continuing to pay off. I remember in session four, I have a note here, you said, I don't really have anxiety anymore.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
I don't. It's crazy. And I didn't even realize how bad my anxiety was. I always thought it was just depression. But it's weird because now anxiety comes in a different way. To me, it's almost like I'm like, okay, I know I'm feeling this, but it's like I can work through the feeling. I can think it out and feel it out. And it's not debilitating. It's not keeping me in bed. It's not keeping me from leaving the house. It's not keeping me from making phone calls. It's not keeping me from having good communication with my family, my friends, or my partner. Oh, that's the other part I didn't even talk about any of that is that my relationship with my partner is a completely different thing. Now. We are so much more able to communicate with each other, and sometimes I'll still get a bit snippy, but I am able to communicate things before they blow up in a way that allows it so that it doesn't get out of hand or become this massive explosion of a fight or anything like that.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
That's something that we really hone in on the coaching process and work on is how to intercept, but to intercept acting out those behaviors that lead to interpersonal conflict, you have to know yourself and you have to trust yourself. And that was a big part of the process for you was learning how to identify what your body is telling you so that you can respond to it before it escalates to an interpersonal conflict, for example. So of course, the tools and the knowledge and the skills are all playing out in the success you've had, but what do you think has been the most impactful, maybe two or three things that you are carrying forward from the work that we did together?
Speaker 3 (17:18):
It's so funny, the littlest, it really is the littlest things, but it's eating within an hour of waking up and making sure I'm eating every three hours. It's going outside and walking outside before I do anything else with my day.
(17:39):
It's so weird because now when I walk outside and I don't have my phone with me and I'm just like the sun's out and stuff, it feels like I'm like, Mario, I'm getting recharged, or I got a mushroom or something. And I'm like, all right, I'm feeling better today already. But that's honestly how it feels, and I just never did that before and it's so simple. And then the last one I would say is just to keep trying. If one thing doesn't work, that doesn't mean that something else isn't going to, because I think my nutrition did need to be better, but I don't think that that was what would've caused the domino effect. And I think that that's why I had to change the direction that I was going in when we were working together, because it wasn't what was going to set off this massive change.
(18:40):
And so I needed to figure out what area was my starting point. And that was a little frustrating, but we got there. And I think that's the biggest part, especially for anyone who's going to take your program or work with you, is that they need to be willing to put in the effort because it's about them more so than anything, and they're the only ones who are going to be able to understand their body. And if they don't put in the effort to figure out their own body with the help that you guide them through, then they're not going to be able to get there if they don't do it on their own.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Yeah. Yeah, you're exactly right. The turning points for everyone are different. That's what I love about the coaching process so much. People need to focus in different core areas to really get the results that they're looking for, but at the end of the day, it's not me being the dictator saying, you're going to do this and that and that because I don't know your body. You do. And so it's really about this self discovery, and I'm there alongside you, but you are really the one that's creating a new relationship with yourself and opening the doorway to feeling better based on what your specific body needs. And just that education, those tools can really help guide you there, but you also have to trust the process and set aside your mindset of like, well, I've tried that before and it didn't work or this, A lot of it is the mindset work that we do in the process, but I want to hear a little bit, you talked a little bit about your relationships, but how have these changes impacted the quality of your life outside of the massive change in the relationship?
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Oh my God, it's huge. I thought it was so crazy this past two weeks because normally I am planning what my downtime's going to be when during PMDD, and then I'm like, okay, well, this is the day I'm going to get my period. And then once I get my period, then I can plan all these other things to do because then I'll go back to normal and then I'll get those things done within that week or so, and then I'll go back. And I just always have, since I found out I had PMDE worked on these cycles and the past two weeks I was just living my life. It was not PMDD and I kept looking at my partner. I kept being like, this is so weird for me because I am so used. It was almost like I was confused because I thought that I had to be planning for PMDD because I didn't have any symptoms. And then I was like, wait a second. My period starts next week. This is how I'm feeling before my period. I can't even imagine what I'm going to feel like when it's over.
(21:37):
Wow. It was crazy. And it, it's really helped me in every aspect of my life and just anything that I want to, I'm a very passionate person and a very, I work very hard and I want to do everything all the time. And so it's really helped with that. I don't have this feeling of I'm incapable of doing things that I want to do because this unseen evil is holding me back. I am capable of, and it's crazy because even if I experienced some symptoms now, the symptoms are tolerable to the point where I can still do things while experiencing them. So I don't worry as much anymore. My life isn't dedicated to worrying about when some random symptom is going to pop up that will affect my entire day
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Because those symptoms are reduced to a point that you can manage them better. And also because if they do come up, you have the education and the tools to address them in a different way. I'm just taking all this in, Katie. This is such a big change.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
It's a huge change. The funniest part is that, this is going to sound so ridiculous, but the angriest I got last week or two weeks ago when I was at probably the height of what my symptoms were last week was I woke up and I got pissed that I had to take micronutrients. I was just like, oh, I don't want to take these powders or I don't want to take these pills. But well, that's another thing too, is that once I figured out the micronutrients, then I also, I realized I can't stand taking pills. I hate taking pills. And so I was like, okay, well, I can buy all this micronutrients in powdered form and add it to my protein shakes at the same time so that I don't have to take so many different things at once. And I think that was a huge game changer, and it allowed me to, yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Oh my goodness. That's
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Awesome. I'm like, that's basically, yeah, since we stopped working together, I've just been taking everything that you've taught me and trying to figure out how I can improve upon it to make it fit me better.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Excellent. Yeah, and that's what it's all about, right? I mean, there's so much that we go through. It's very comprehensive, but taking and choosing out those protocols that are going to work best for you and then tailoring them to your lifestyle is what it's all about. And it's kind of fun in a way to figure out how it's going to work for you once you get past the anxiety of is it actually going to help once you develop that self-efficacy of like, okay, this is working. How can I make it work better? Do you want me to read some of the quotes that you said from the last session we had? Our last session was early September, so now it's been almost two months, two cycles that you've been on your own with this. You're still seeing these improvements. So I think reading these quotes is just going to inspire you even more. And so originally we had said 13, 16, 13 to 16 days of severe symptoms is what we were mapping at the beginning of June. And by early September, we had reduced that to two to three days of mild symptoms per cycle. So just to start there with that data for you, oh, it's such a big deal. You said, I'm capable of holding my shit together.
(25:43):
That's one of my favorite ones. Again. And again, something for you that came up was it's the smallest things that changed the most. You said you were having no suicidal ideation, no severe depression, no anxiety for that second cycle in a row there starting out. And then you said you're not sure how to move forward when things are easy for you after suffering for so long. And that's something that people don't recognize, right? Healing isn't just like you're healed and you feel better. The pain isn't just gone. There's layers beyond layers beneath that you have to go through. And that was such a beautiful recognition of that coming through finally feeling better. It was like, now what?
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Yeah,
Speaker 1 (26:40):
This one, the most positive thing is realizing how powerful I am. It is amazing to have been able to change this much this fast. And when I started this, I did not think this was going to be possible. I thought I would have to change everything to get to where I'm at. So those are new beliefs that are coming out for you at the beginning of September. Do those still feel like they're holding true today?
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Yeah,
Speaker 1 (27:19):
Probably worn layered in there too after it's been,
Speaker 3 (27:26):
It's, oh my God, it's unbelievable. I don't even recognize who I used to be. I don't recognize who I was a year ago. I don't recognize who I was six months ago. I don't even know. I don't even know that I could ever allow myself to get back to that space. I feel like now that I know what works and what makes me feel better, I'll never let that happen again. And it's funny because even if I experienced some symptoms now, it's like I'm so much nicer to myself, and it's so much nicer to go through PMDD when you're nice to yourself. And so that's why when you say, when I said there's no suicidal ideation or I get sad or I get depressed, kind of, but it is not anywhere close to what it was before. Not even nothing. It's crazy. It's so crazy how it's changed.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
It was very rapid. I mean, within that three months timeframe of us working together, you had really had a full transformation. You had reclaimed 14 days of your life minimum each month at that point. And so how hopeless it felt to be in that place that you were in June when we started working together. When kind of looking back at that version of yourself and speaking to the people who are in that place now, what would you want to say to them and to that previous version of yourself about experiencing PMDD and what is possible?
Speaker 3 (29:17):
I would say that it is possible, and I would say that you need to do everything that you can to get rid of that, because the person that lives inside your head when you're experiencing PMDD is not who you really are. And I feel like it's so unfair that people with PMDD have to suffer that almost devil inside of them that they fight every month. And I just want to hug my old self almost and be like, it's going to be okay. You're going to figure it out and that you can figure it out. And there is hope. Yeah, I feel like it sounds so cheesy, but it's so true. It really is, and it's so worth it. My life is so different. When you just said that quote that I said about not knowing how to handle life without suffering, that's still something I'm dealing with, but it's something that I'm remembering every day that it's like, you're not supposed to suffer. You're not supposed to feel that way every day. This is normal. That's not normal, or this is what should be normal.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Yeah. You're integrating this kind of new version of yourself that isn't going through these massive swings, and when you do that, you have so much more time, energy. I mean, your whole life is different. Things become possible that were never possible when you're in bed for two weeks out of each month. And so you do really have to recalibrate to that new reality. And a lot of times people have fear around that. The fear, oh, the next cycle is how's it going to be? How's it going to be? But just like you said, you have the tools, you have the knowledge, you have the skills to navigate, and every cycle is different. And so some cycles are going to be harder for anyone regardless of if they have PMDD or not for a multitude of factors. But being in a place where you know how to navigate that is completely different than having none of those tools or education or awareness to get through it.
(31:39):
So really, your bottom, we're raising the bottom right. So PMDD is crashing down into these dips and these heights, but what we're ultimately trying to do is let's just scooch that bottom up quite a bit farther, and you're just not hitting that low, low anymore because you can't, when you know too much and when you know that you've gotten yourself to where you are now and that that's possible, it just changes your whole perception of reality for your health and your life and your symptoms and PMDD. I mean, it's a journey and you're deeply on it.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
Even I get kind of more excited now to see how things have changed. Before I used to, and I mean I am a scientist, so everything I do is I basically have felt like an experiment for the past three years or past two years since I found out that I had PMDD and a failed experiment that I could not figure out. And it was pissing me off, and I was just angry all the time, and I'm like, well, this isn't working. This isn't working. And it's an experiment you have to do once a month. That's a long time to wait for things to see whether or not something changed. But now that I figured out, I feel like most of the things that were affecting me and how to mitigate those things, now I'm just tweaking little things each month, each month, and I'm not worried about what the repercussions are going to be or if it's going to be so bad.
(33:15):
It's just like one little tweak here or one little tweak there. And I'm like, okay, well that did help, or that didn't help, and I'll choose something else. But I'm not afraid of, I'm not afraid to plan things during that time of the month anymore. I'm not afraid to. Yeah, it's the craziest part is I'm not afraid, which I hate plan, or I don't even know if I hate planning things or if I was learned into hating planning things because I always had to worry about what I might be like during that time. So I just wasn't a planner because I was afraid, and now I'm not afraid anymore.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
There's so much depth to this. I mean, there's so many more layers beyond the symptoms. Well, that is, it is such an incredible transformation that you've experienced, Katie, I've been so honored to be on the journey with you. It is so affirming. It's one thing when you can have the experience yourself, but to be able to watch other people bring this into their lives and change their lives and the trajectory of their lives. I mean, it's just such, this protocol and this process is such a gift, and I'm so happy that I was able to be a part of your menstrual health journey and that it has resulted with such success for you. Is there any last words that you want to share with the PMDD community or thoughts?
Speaker 3 (34:49):
I'm just so grateful for you. Honestly. I'm so grateful for you because you changed my entire life and I feel like you saved me. And even if the only thing that changed was that I don't have suicidal ideation anymore. That in itself is the biggest gift I could ever have in my entire life because I've been suffering with suicidal ideation really bad since I was a kid. And to not feel that anymore is the biggest gift I could ever have in my whole life. I think.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
Thank you for saying that, Katie. That means so much to me. But at the same time, you were the one who did all the work. You were the one who brought yourself to this place. So I'm so happy I was able to guide you along. But at the end of the day, it is you who changed your experience and you who created this new path for yourself. So I hope that you remember that.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Yeah,
Speaker 1 (36:04):
I'm so excited. So thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for trusting the process. I'm so excited to see where it takes you
Speaker 3 (36:16):
Too. Thank you so much, Jess.
